Beckham, Hannah Read online

  “I’m human.” Maya sniffed. She’d been human her whole life -- she didn’t want to be anything else.

  “Partially. I agree. I think that’s why your astral has developed so late in life.”

  “Again with my age?” She was a thirty-something now, and feeling every year of it.

  “I think your near death experience is what manifested the astral in the first place. If you hadn’t died for those few minutes, you might have lived out your life never knowing.”

  “So, the gist. Be killed. If I’m Astrallu, I evolve into some supernatural life form and live. If I’m not, well, ‘sorry ’bout your bad luck, Maya. See you in the next life?’ That’s what you’re telling me?” She wanted Stephen and Matt. She needed them to help her make sense of the situation. “What about becoming a lycan? Sorcerers can do it and change what they are. Can I?” She couldn’t believe she was even considering the possibility.

  “No. You are exceptional, Maya. I’ve only met one other of your kind. The Astrallu are all but extinct. If you are Astrallu, you can only be what you are. Your biology allows for nothing else.”

  “So, if you’re right, this black cloud hanging over my head is my own making?”

  “Yes. I think it occurs when you completely open your abilities to the world around you. When you’re blocking your abilities, you block the astral.”

  Hope. “Great. All I have to do is keep my shields up all the time. Actually, this makes complete sense. The first time it happened, I was doped up, too loopy to guard. The second time was with Stephen, and since I can’t read much from him anyhow, I never bother to block, and the third time, Paula caught me off my game.”

  “This is a lot to digest, my dear. And I’m tired. I’m old. And I need a nap.”

  “Take my bed,” Maya offered. She wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

  After getting the shamus settled into bed, Maya poured herself a cup of coffee and made a package of instant butter grits. Her comfort food. She could do this. If all she had to do was block her empathic abilities, then she’d learn to do it twenty-four/seven. It would keep her off the supernatural train, while keeping the people she loved safe.

  Matt and Stephen. Stephen and Matt. With everything that had happened, she wondered if Paula wasn’t right. Was she selfish? Not willing to sacrifice for love? She couldn’t choose between them. Wouldn’t. She’d rather be alone than have to pick one man over the other. It might not be fair, but that’s how she felt.

  Realistically though, could she live without her ability? It had been an inherent part of her being for most of her life. No. She could handle doing without -- a far better choice than the alternative. She resisted the impulse to run out of the apartment and across the hall.

  For like two whole seconds.

  Within moments, she was knocking on Matt’s door. It opened with the chain lock still attached. Matt stared at her. “It’s gone. The thing’s gone. We’re safe.” Not the most romantic opening line, and not entirely true. But she panicked.

  “I can’t talk to you right now, Maya. I’m glad you’re safe. Really. But I need space.” Matt fought the urge to take Maya in his arms and hold her. If she stood in front of him much longer, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “I miss you. I miss Stephen.”

  He missed her as well. Stephen was completely miserable. It had surprised the hell out of the lycan when Stephen agreed to leave with him. “We’re not crutches, Maya.”

  If the truth be told, he liked Stephen. In a brotherly way, the way polygamists had sister-wives, the incubus had sort of become his brother-husband. Sharing in the responsibility and care that went into loving Maya Eddings. But she needed to learn they weren’t the only ones responsible for making the relationship work.

  That was the reason he’d opened the door. The incubus would crumble, hell, he was having difficulty not caving in. Maya’s magnificence made him want to jump through hoops, roll over, and play dead. Anything to be with her, to touch her, to smell her skin. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. His cock stiffened and he closed the door between them.

  He heard Maya slide down the door. She was crying. His heart wrenched in his chest. Stephen came up behind him.

  “I want to let her in, Matt.” The incubus sounded lost, as lost as Matt felt.

  “Me too.” He shook his head. “We can’t. She doesn’t see us as real. Can’t you see?”

  “I think she’s been punished enough, don’t you? Do you want to be just one more person in her life that’s supposed to love her, but abandons her all the same? I can’t. I can’t do that. Not to Maya.”

  “Is this an unconditional love speech?”

  “Nothing’s unconditional, Matt. I don’t want her to stop loving me, even if I’ll always love her more. I can live with what she has to give. Can you?”

  Loving her constantly and more than she could possibly love back -- it was a tall order for any man. Let alone a lycanthrope. Matt slid the chain from the lock, opened the door, and both men helped Maya to her feet. “Come in,” he said.

  Maya wiped at her eyes. “Will you guys ever forgive me?” She felt desperate. She hated being so needy. It was such a girl move.

  Stephen slipped behind her, his hands smoothing down her arms. “Can you just let us love you?”

  She leaned into his shoulder. “Yes.”

  Matt slid his hand up her shirt. “I want you so bad it hurts.”

  They were in pain, both of them, so much in pain. And Maya could only blame herself. “I’m here.” She kissed his mouth, sucking his lower lip as his hands worked her jeans.

  Stephen reached around the front of her and tugged her shirt over her head and pealed off her jeans. He unsnapped the bra next. His fingers caressed her breasts, rolling her nipples, tugging. She moaned against Matt’s mouth, then broke from the kiss. She turned in their arms, on tiptoe, naked, she pulled Stephen’s face to hers, thrusting her tongue between his teeth. Matt’s hands, Stephen’s hands, wonderful, large hands rubbed over her body, massaging all her doubts and worries into oblivion.

  Her pussy -- wet, heated -- pulsed under their touch. The warmth of their bodies made her sweat, their skin sliding with wicked friction against the moisture. Matt’s fingers slipped between her thighs, Stephen’s found her clit. They worked her, front and back.

  “So hot,” Stephen murmured.

  “So wet,” Matt added.

  Stephen kissed his way down her neck, her breasts, her stomach, his tongue stopping to twirl and tease her belly button. He slipped the length between the folds of her pussy, flicking against her clit until she panted. Matt held her up under her arms, nearly lifting her from the floor. He was naked. She didn’t know when that happened. His cock pressed against her ass, hard. Rock hard. So good.

  She rocked back onto him, aching to be filled. Matt lifted her arm, his fingers trailing sensually down her side, while Stephen’s teeth grazed against her swollen clit. “I need you to fuck me. Please fuck me.”

  Matt lifted her from the floor and turned her on his shoulder. She laughed with joy, grabbing Stephen’s hand and dragging him from the floor as her lycan carried her caveman style to the bedroom. He held her up until Stephen was naked and lying on the bed, his shaft solid and thick. Ready.

  She crawled up the incubus’ thighs, straddling his cock. She held the length and slid her pussy down over it. Biting her lower lip, she leaned forward, making room for Matt. Stephen slowly rocked his hips, stroking his cock inside her. Matt’s fingers were lubed, not that she needed it, as they stroked the skin of her opening, stretching her wider, his fingers sliding against Stephen’s cock, thrusting with her.

  Stephen’s thumbs played against her clit, drumming. “Oh, God!” she cried out. The orgasm hit without warning, her hips jerking forward, as pleasure took her.

  When the spasms subsided, Matt pressed his cock against her. He growled, low and throaty as he pushed the tip past the opening, sliding his sh
aft in next to Stephen’s. It felt so tight, the smallest amount of burning pain, as both men fucked her pussy. Matt’s finger slipped into her ass as he thrust, carefully, keeping pace with Stephen.

  “Yes,” Maya panted. Having them both inside her made her feel complete. Whole. “Fuck me harder,” she screamed as the pressure of another orgasm began to build. “Oh, God. Yes.”

  Matt howled as he pumped his hips against her ass. Stephen rocked his groin faster, grunting, groaning, sweat beading on his forehead. “Maya!” he cried out, his body shuddering beneath her. His climax triggered her own, and her body quaked under the ecstasy. Matt pumped hard four more times, then moaned loudly as he shook against her back, both of them coming hard inside her.

  After a few moments of blissful silence, they all rolled to the left. And Maya began to sob. Love made you weak. Love could damage. That’s what she’d been told in the past. But all she felt was joy, and that’s why she cried. Both men wrapped their arms around her, holding her tightly. “Don’t let me go. Never let me go.” She meant it metaphorically, of course. Because eventually she’d have to get up to pee.

  “We’ve got you,” Matt said.

  “We’re not going anywhere.” Stephen kissed her brow.

  “I didn’t realize. I… I haven’t been fair. To either of you. Is it wrong to love you both the way I do?”

  “I used to think so.” Matt stroked her hair. “But, now. Hell, Maya, I don’t think one man could handle you all by himself.” He grinned now.

  Stephen laughed. “From your lips, brother.” The incubus’ mood turned mischievous. “I never realized how much you and Isy had in common.”

  Matt growled.

  Maya turned in Stephen’s arms. “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”

  “Fuck me harder!” he mocked. Matt smacked him in the back of the head. “Ow.”

  “Mean.” Maya grimaced. “Mean and hateful.” But dear Lord, it was true!

  Even Matt began to chuckle. “I’m going to have nightmares. I know it.”

  Maya smiled. “Okay, you all can let me up now.”

  Matt grasped her arm. “I thought you just said…”

  “When a girl’s got to pee, a girl has to pee.”

  He let her go and flopped back on the bed. She turned once before leaving the bedroom to admire both their gloriously naked bodies. In that second, she felt happiness. Sheer unadulterated happiness. Then the black cloud of death descended. Right into Matt.

  The panic turned in Maya as she fought to throw up her blocks. She’d let them slip. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Matt, all black tarry eyed, stood from the bed. Stephen grabbed him and the darkness shifted. Maya did the only thing she could. Run. She ran straight through the apartment, out into the hallway. If she could just get to her place before…

  “Hey, boss.” Neely strolled out of the elevator. He didn’t even seem shocked that she was naked. As a matter of fact, he ignored it altogether. “I left my house key in your bedroom.”

  “Run,” she yelled at him. She moved to her door. It was locked. She felt for her keys, but since they were in her jeans pocket, crumpled in a pile on Matt’s floor… she banged on the door.

  Stephen stepped out into the hallway. His eyes inky black. “Join me.”

  Neely pulled his gun. “Should I shoot him?”

  Matt came stumbling out next. He tried to drag Stephen back into the apartment, but the darkness shifted again. Stop thinking. Stop feeling. But she couldn’t. She’d opened the floodgates and the water was coming, whether she liked it or not.

  Matt turned to her, black fur glistening. “Join me.”

  “Do you want me to shoot him?” Neely, ever being helpful.

  It wouldn’t end. Never. “Shoot me,” she ordered the ex-cop.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “No!” Stephen yelled. He kicked out, knocking the lycan to the ground. Again, the astral jumped into the incubus.

  Maya looked at both her men. “I love you.” She turned to Neely, pounding her fist against her chest. “Now, shoot me, goddammit. That’s an order.”

  “You’re the boss.” He aimed his .38 and the last thing that Maya felt was the explosion of pain in her brain as the bullet hit her square between the eyes.

  Chapter 8

  The blinding pain left Maya almost instantly. A sense of perfect peace settled through her, although it really wasn’t her anymore. Or was it? She floated above her body, the astral right above her. She wondered why she didn’t feel the separation from her flesh. Kind of a letdown, really. Something like death should have more pow or kick to it. Instead, it was like… moving on.

  Join me, it called out.

  It had left Stephen as soon as Neely shot her. She looked at the darkness. I can’t believe he shot me in the head.

  Lingering for a moment, she worried for her guys, who were wracked with grief as they held her lifeless body. She didn’t really believe she’d make it back to them. Not now.

  Join me.

  Wow, you’re impatient. Funny enough, she felt relaxed. No more anxiety over the future. No more angst about the past. I’m ready.

  The astral floated down, melting into her spirit. Even though she didn’t have a physical body, the blending tingled. It felt pleasant. Safe. Its color began to change, she changed. Her spirit had been white, and while white and black generally make gray, in Maya’s case, her spirit turned bright pink. Man, I hate pink. The astral was silent. No longer separate from her.

  She waited for whatever would come next. But nothing happened. She looked down again. Neely had pulled out his cell phone. Either Jack, or 911. If Maya had to guess, she’d say he was calling Jack. Matt and Stephen looked miserable. She longed to comfort them.

  Something finally began to happen. She was being sucked, like a vacuum. Finally, I’m moving into the light! But, there was no light. Only darkness. And the weightlessness went away. She felt heavy, solid, like being encased in stone. Oh no, I’m going to hell, for fuck sake.

  “Maya.” She heard her name being called. “Oh, God. Maya!”

  Great, they knew her in hell by name.

  “Can you hear me? Open your eyes, babe,” another voice came.

  Babe? Who in hell would call her babe?

  She blinked. And there was light. Sitting up, she sucked in a deep breath, coughing and sputtering as her lungs grew used to taking air again. “Jeezus,” she wheezed. Miracle of miracles, she’d somehow made it back into her body.

  “Never mind,” Neely said into the phone. He flipped it closed. “Like I said before. Freaky shit. Forget the keys, boss. I’ll stay at a friend’s house tonight.”

  It was the most she’d ever heard him say in one sitting. Then she remembered -- he’d shot her between the eyes! Quickly, her fingers went to her forehead where she should have had a massive hole. Excellently enough, the skin felt smooth -- not even tacky from blood. “Holy fuck, that hurt.”

  “Yeah, getting shot doesn’t feel so hot, does it?” Matt grabbed her into a bear hug.

  Stephen wiped the wetness from his cheeks. “Downright sucks.”

  “What happened? I mean, how did I come back?”

  “You lit up like a pink neon sign, then bang, the bullet popped out, the hole closed in your forehead and your heart started beating,” Stephen said. “Your eyes are still glowing sort of a hot pink.”

  “Crap, I hope that goes away,” she complained. “I really do hate pink.”

  The neighbor lady from 34A popped her head out her door. She wore curlers and a plastic cap. She gasped when she saw the three of them in a naked heap in the hallway floor. “I’m calling the cops if you hooligans don’t keep it down.”

  “Sorry, Ms. Ventri.” Maya laughed.

  The woman shook her head in disgust, and went back into her apartment. What Ms. Ventri didn’t know was Maya had heard every lustful thought the woman had as she scoped out Matt’s gorgeous naked body.

  Maya pinched Matt’s ass. “She is so crushing on you.”

&
nbsp; “How about we handle one crush at a time?” Stephen kissed her hard on the lips.

  “Another Maya sandwich. I can deal with that.” She heard their thoughts as well. All the questions, the worries, concerns. They were both content to wait until later to find out, needing to have her again, to prove she was real. She could live with that. As they helped her from the ground, she realized her ass felt warm and wet. “Crap.”

  Stephen and Matt stopped to look at her.

  “Guess I don’t have to pee anymore. We’d better hit the shower first, boys.” She stared at the wet spot on the carpet. “I wonder if Neely would bring his steam cleaner back over.”

  “Come on,” Stephen said. “Let’s go inside.” They put their arms around her and the three of them went back to Matt’s apartment.

  Epilogue

  Paula recovered from the catatonic state. Jack stayed mad at Maya for nearly a week. They’d been friends for a long time, but Paula being in danger almost changed all that. It made Maya feel good. It meant Jack loved Paula. Not bad.

  Isy and Duncan stayed for a few days, and Maya took Duncan out to lunch one afternoon so Isy could go see Michael, Matt’s exiled brother. His wife Jenny was finally showing now that she’d entered the second trimester of her pregnancy, and Maya had been only too happy to be a part of the reunion.

  Matt, Maya, and Stephen agreed to get a house together. One big happy family. Maya’s evolution had taken them all by storm, and while she wasn’t sure what it meant, she felt grateful she wouldn’t have to find out on her own. Matt and Stephen needed her. But she needed them in her life just as much, or more.

  Three weeks after the “joining,” as the shamus had called it, Maya felt as if she were finally getting some control back in her life. Like she ever had any. But at least she had gone back to work. Conrad Gentry hired Maya for another signing. Jack took the front of the bookstore. No Nonsense Neely, as she’d taken to calling him, walked the mid-section. He had stuck with the security agency, and Maya was grateful. The ex-cop was a mixture of antisocial with a hint of psychotic, but Maya could deal, considering nothing seemed to faze him.